So obedience seems to be the lesson of the day. Everywhere I have turned it seems God is trying once again to impress upon me the importance of being obedient. Sometimes I find that obedience is easy - a choice I want to make, a passion I get to follow, an activity I enjoy. But, I was also reminded today of how utterly painful obedience can be as well. God tells us in Isaiah, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” You promise to lead us, but all to often I don't want to listen, you say turn to the left but I think the right looks far more interesting; or turning left would require me to let go of something I desperately want to hold tight to. There have been plenty of times that I have tried desperately to convince YOU that my way can work with your way. But I have yet to see my plans prosper, instead that usually ends in pain, or a watered down version of what you want for me, empty.
But it is not just that I try and merge His perfect will with my imperfect desires, no I am also the queen of timing. Time and again Jesus called out to people to, "Follow me", only to be met with a list of things they wanted to do first. I am certainly guilty of this- my timing Lord, not Yours. I fall into the trap of thinking I can figure out or dictate the timing that would be most appropriate. Even as I type this I wrestle with timing, how quickly I want things done! But I know that God's timing is perfect, even when I wonder if He really does know what He is doing!
So again, it all comes back to obedience. Am I willing to trust Him, when it is not my idea, not my timing and it all seems crazy to me? Yes, I am. I may have to commit my will to His again and again, moment by moment, but I want to be where He is leading.