Thursday, January 19, 2012

Condo with a view of the sea

So I have recently acquired a condo with a view of the sea.  Sounds lovely right? It might be were the address not in Crazy Town over looking the Sea of Despair.  Maybe you've traveled there too?  One minute you are walking along, everything is fine and then boom a train comes by and before you even know what hit you, you are on it. You know how it goes, one thought leads to another and then you are an official resident of Crazy Town, your condo even has a welcome mat with your name on it!
I find that often the trip starts with a single thought,  it seems innocent enough, but before long that thought is a scenario, and that scenario becomes an expected reality and if you are crazy like me somebody ends up dead. (hmmm did I reveal too much there?)
So my most recent trip revolves around an actual trip.  My in laws have been gracious and generous enough to take my husband, children and I on a cruise with them this summer.  PLEASE do not mistake my insanity for ingratitude I recognize what a generous blessing this is for my family!!
 I have always had water issues, for as long as I can remember, but I've always pushed through them, until a year and a half ago when Meridith and I almost drowned.  Not a cutesy, splash around and be scared near drowning, but a call 911 half of the force responds, mommy lands in the hospital kind of drowning. (This is a blog for another time).  Anyway suffice it to say my water issues have taken on a life of their own.  So while the idea of a cruise caused that all too familiar creeping feeling of anxiety to rise up in my chest, I also knew this was an awesome opportunity and once there I was sure I would have fun!
So I moved on, every once and a while I'd see a train approaching (is the ship really safe, what if my kid falls overboard- told you it was crazy) but I'd recognize that this was not a train I wanted to ride.  I would counter these speeding thoughts with common sense- Ships are safer than driving a car, the kid will not fall off the ship. Besides if she did she'd float cause she will be living in a life vest and floaties the entire trip (oops I may have detoured to crazy town again).Back on point, I could talk myself through the oncoming trains and rest assured that all would be fine. That was until the Italian Cruise ship this weekend. . . . .  I made it to crazy town in record time, in fact they may have named me Mayor.
I have to say I am still walking back and it is a much longer and slower journey than it was to get there.  But I recognize that I can't do it alone.  I am going to have to lean on God.  I am going to have to trust that He will never leave me or forsake me.  He gave me Isaiah 43:2 the other day, " when you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers they will not overwhelm you."  Now I realize Isaiah was prophesying about Moses and parting the Red Sea but I am going to trust Him to part my Sea of Despair as well.  I am going to trust Him to be my true companion on this long walk back and as we set sail, for what I am sure will be a joyous and blessed vacation.